05 Sep You Can’t Please Everyone and You Shouldn’t Try
As someone who is an admitted people-pleaser, this has always been a tough concept for me to accept and employ. I care a lot about people, and I want them to be happy and successful at whatever makes them feel fulfilled. I like to help out, using any expertise I might have, and I often attempt to go above and beyond my quoted responsibilities in order to make people happy and/or empowered. I am someone who has been very empowered by others, so I have a tendency to feel it is part of my debt to my fellow human being. I also consider it a huge compliment to be asked by a friend or family member to help with something I have experience in, and I like to do what I can, when and however I am able.
Even if you define all of your terms, people will sometimes ask for more than you are able to or should be expected to provide. Learning how to say “no” — as well as understanding, as Oprah so eloquently expresses, that “no” is a full sentence — or saying, “unfortunately, what you are asking is more than my quoted price allows for,” is kind of a big deal. Don’t get me wrong; it’s tough when someone gets upset at you for saying “no”, or for protecting your time and energy. But there are going to be times when people are upset at you — maybe for good reason, and maybe not — so being careful to define your terms is critical to your health and your business.
What I have learned through many messes is that people will try to hire you when you’re young and “cheap”, or in a vulnerable place, and that often says more about them than it does about you. We all know that everyone wants a deal on services. Some may be hiring you because they know and believe in you, and some may be hiring you because they know they can get your work for free/cheap. But if it is something that is important to them and it is something they are not willing to do for themselves, then they don’t earn the right to bully you about how much time it will take and what it should cost for that time. I didn’t fully understand this until I was already near my 30’s.
Some like to say that, when it comes to customer service, “the customer is always right”, but this is absolutely not the case when it comes to providing your own time as a quoted service. If you have defined what your price allows people to draw from you and precisely what they can expect, there are times when the customer will simply be flat out wrong, especially when you have a portfolio to back up your price. If you have been transparent and they have made a conscious effort to disrespect your time, it’s okay to wave “bye-bye”.
Value is the importance, worth, or usefulness of a thing in relation to you.
Price is the amount expected in order to obtain the thing.
Cost is the overall result of the combination of the price you have paid vs. the value it renders for you.
Final thoughts: if you could obtain anything in the world, what should/would influence your decision… the cost of the thing, the price, or its overall value? At least for me, in my industries, the crux is only in having happy customers vs. me being happy, too. It’s all about balance and transparency. And, as a people pleaser who is finding a middle ground, I shouldn’t feel like a guilty failure for not allowing yet another person to pull one over on me. Be true to yourself; be kind; be honest; find a way to reconcile all of these things (if ever possible) and you have found the keys to success and happiness.