29 Jan Intentions or Resolutions?
Never one to commit to making new year’s resolutions, lest I not wholly reach the goals I have set, I prefer to think of intentions to put forth in a coming year and hopefully beyond even that length of time. Without further ado, this year and beyond I intend to focus on the following:
1. New Love of Self
2. Forward-moving Transformation
3. Finishing What I Started
In all honesty, knowing myself, I have a tendency to sell myself short – both in business and in my personal life – under the guise of being “helpful” to others. I am also a worrier and a stresser-outer. I don’t expect nearly as much of others as I do of myself. I berate myself when things go wrong, even if they aren’t necessarily my fault. My rhetoric was often, “I should have seen that coming!” rather than, “Well, that didn’t go as planned. Let me destress and then see how I can fix it.” Forgiveness of self is something I have been working steadily on for the last 10 years, yet to be fulfilled.
In loving myself deeper I hope to also take time to reflect; to step outside of myself for at least a few moments a day and ponder what I did right and to reward myself, but also to think on what I would like to do different tomorrow, making changes along the way. Moving forward is very important to me, as I am a quick-thinker and mover, and can’t imagine staying still for too long so that I stagnate emotionally or otherwise. This is the creative mind at work/play.
In addition, I have a tendency to envision a new project, very passionately at the gate, and go at it zealously. Then, as time goes on — especially if I let too much time go by without actively in pursuit of the thing — my interest level drops off and the project falls to the wayside. It’s time to start finishing the things I’ve started: my book and docu-series; a third business (that I can’t quite talk about yet for legal reasons) I began with my partner; decorating and organizing my home and office; the various photography projects I’ve started and never brought to completion. The list goes on, because I am a woman with a lot of ideas and dreams. I’m ready for tangibles and not just conceptuals.
Admittedly I can’t know everything, and I can’t prepare for everything. I do the best that I can, and I do try to learn when I screw up (provided it doesn’t destroy my resolve). I can look back and confidently know that I have learned a lot over the last few years, and will continue to learn through mistakes of my own and mistakes of others, possibly even in perpetuity. Sometimes we have to re-learn the same lessons over and over again for the knowledge to “stick”.
I realize I haven’t cared enough for myself over the last year or two, and therefore have done some pretty painful things to myself. I’ve battled health issues for over a year now, and haven’t gotten nearly as much exercise as I typically enjoy. I’ve spent a lot of time over the last couple of years creating a physical memory of a painful thing I do to myself; I think I’ve finally got it this time! My fingers are crossed.
So, onward. To today, tomorrow, and to all of my intentions being realized.